The EX-Parrot

The EX-Parrot never really dies

2011-03-14T00:15:00.002-04:00

Once again, I have knews for you, o parrot fanciers.

Karl and Bernard did it again.

On Friday Karl drove miles and miles to see Bernard. It was very good of Karl to drive so much. That's what Karl thinks, anyway.

Bernard had difficulties getting to Karl's house. Bernard claims this is because of unavoidable road closures. Karl suspects this is because Bernard is directionally challenged.

Karl KNOWS that Bernard is mnemonically challenged. This is obvious because Karl and Bernard took a circuitous route from Karl's house to Bernard's house TWICE.

This is okay, though. Because Bernard is an artist! Photographs to come.

Not Dead Yet

2009-12-01T19:24:00.002-05:00

The ex-Parrots have FINALLY had another adventure. Granted, it was not a very exciting adventure. It did not require Karl to drive up and down the East Coast twice. In fact, it did not require him to drive up and down even once. Karl is particularly glad for that. It did not require Bernard to be chauffered from NJ to ME and back with Norbert, Hagrid, and Lupin. He was probably glad about that, but he's not saying.

Furthermore, it was not a very long adventure. It might have been a three hour adventure, but Bernard takes Ben Franklin very seriously, (or is a party pooper...but the best construction of events must be constructed), so it was only a two hour adventure.

In said adventure Karl demonstrated lesson premier and Bernard demonstrated cheimaphobia.

In said adventure all your favorite EX-Parrots participated--Steinbeck, Loukan, Jwannhn, Cassius, and Cornelius. Also, the newest EX-Parrot, Reynaldo.

Unfortunately, EX-Parrot volubility has been utterly exhausted. Perhaps in the future the EX-Parrots will have another thrilling adventure similar to their yet unchronicled Little Dorrit party?

Karl and Bernard go to the Airport

2008-07-01T01:17:00.003-04:00

Karl and Bernard decided to leave the country simultaneously. Are they running from the law? Karl's later experience on that day led him to believe he is. He was nearly disallowed from entering another country. That, however, is beside the point.

Bernard needed to pull an all-nighter, because they would make him sleep on the plane. Karl specializes in all-nighters. If he were paid to do so, he would be a professional all-nighter. He is not paid to do so, which proves that there is no justice in the world. But he helped. Bernard watched Alvin and the Chipmunks while Karl read intellectually stimulating works, such as "Family and Civilization." But Karl would never complain.

Musico-Literary Moment: "If I had a string under my ribs, knotted to you, connecting our frames, I'd be afraid that many a mile would sever the tie, and I would take to bleeding inwardly."

Fortunately the antecedent of this implication is false, because there would be a lot of inward bleeding in the two parrots. But there is no such thing as a bad moment to reference Jane Eyre.

Ant Hikers

2008-06-07T21:59:00.002-04:00

So, Hagrid made a teeny tiny cairn. This is evidence of his innately rebellious spirit, since there was a plethora of signs stating that a hiker building a cairn was not only destroying the environment, but also the pleasure that a person might get while hiking. In fact, it could cause an innocent hiker to lose his way. Imagine hiking all over Mt. Desert Island following the igni fatuus of bad cairns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, despite it being a rebellious action, it would not really have many negative repercussions since it was so small as to be only visible to ants or people crawling with their noses touched to the ground.

SO.

Hagrid and Karl were discussing in a humorous way the aforementioned ant cairns that throw off ant hikers, to which Lupin answered:

"Wait! They have ant hikers here?!?!?!"

An update on the parrots!

2008-06-07T09:53:00.005-04:00

Today is the last day in Bar Harbor! It is a beautiful morning... 9:53am... and Karl, Hagrid, Lupin, and Norbert are snoozing their little heads off. Haha

Lupin's Fall

2008-06-05T20:00:00.002-04:00

Lupin fell into a crevice, head first! Bernard took pictures before rescuing him.

Lupin's near death

2008-06-04T08:45:00.005-04:00

We forgot to mention Lupin's near death! He decided to take a nap by a certain precipice overlooking the ocean when Norbert, who was sleeping nearby suddenly encountered a rather large spider. He screamed, jerking Lupin awake much to his surprise that he nearly toppled off the rock except Bernard was right next to him and grabbed him. So that was Lupin's little excitement for the day.

Also it is important to mention that the Ex-Parrots and company went to an old movie theatre and watched "Indiana Jones." Lupin and Bernard were extremely confused. Bernard decided it was a funny, cool action movie but is still trying to figure out the point of the plot. Karl said it's supposed to be pointless anyway.

Lupin and Bernard just got back from a beautiful run along the shore and through town. The others are still snoozing.

2008-06-04T00:38:00.002-04:00

While sitting on Cadillac Mountain, Norbert made this fascinating comment:
"Wouldn't it be fun if we got some birds and just chucked them off the mountain?"

2008-06-03T08:55:00.005-04:00

The Ex-Parrots along with Hagrid, Norbert, and Lupin are busy gallivanting in Maine... actually, all of the aforementioned individuals are lounging in bed, eating pancakes, and watching TV. Bernard, operating on 5 and a half hours of sleep, woke up at 7 long before the others popped their sleepy eyelids open. Karl and Hagrid decided to have their own private slumber party for 4 hours, 2 of which were quite loud and poor Bernard could not fall asleep. However, around 2am, they decided to stop talking and Bernard was able to finally fall asleep peacefully. Surprisingly enough, though, Bernard was wide awake and functional at 7! He was going to go running with Lupin at 6:30 but decided against it due to the harried night before. Lupin and Bernard hope to do it later today.

Bernard decided to take a shower and discovered that the water pressure was almost enough to knock all of his poor feathers off! He survived though and then proceeded to make pancakes for everybody. Unfortunately, the frying pan was too small to do more than one at a time. However, it took forever for Bernard to wake up the others that he had plenty of time to make lots of pancakes. So after enjoying a delicious breakfast of pancakes... everyone is not really doing anything.

Anyway, the trip yesterday was quite uneventful. Karl was a brave soul and drove the entire way! They decided to take the scenic route which was very pleasant. They arrived around 3 or 4 at the place in which they were to stay and Bernard in particular was quite satisfied with the kitchen other than the fact that the few pots were a little bit too small.

Later on in the evening, they took a stroll along the shore path where Lupin and Bernard were inspired to run the next morning. The sun was just setting and it was quite beautiful! They had to make it to the grocery store so they did not meander long.

Today they plan on going to Acadia and driving around the park... that is if everyone mobilizes at some point.

Recalled to Life

2008-05-28T00:23:00.003-04:00

Yes, Karl and Bernard (or at least just Karl) are very familiar with Charles Dickens.

Karl and Bernard, after being stunned for quite a while by academia have woken to pine for the fjords, and to update their loyal readers about their lives.

In approximately 12 hours Karl will be on his way to Dixieland to visit Hagrid, Norbert, and Lupin. There he will frolic for a day or two, and then make his way back North with Hagrid, Norbert, and Lupin. Then he, Hagrid, Norbert, Lupin, Bernard, and NOT Steinbeck will be going as far North as it is possible to go without needing a passport.

Well, not quite that far. According to Steinbeck's namesake, when you get that far, Columbiathegemoftheocean becomes depressingly bare.

Bernard will bring TECHNOLOGY to a National Park, and with the aforementioned TECHNOLOGY the ex-parrots may possibly update. Which being translated means, Karl will pester Bernard to allow him to use his TECHNOLOGY, and if Bernard has any remaining drops of the milk of human kindness, he will allow Karl to post.

If there is nothing posted, then it will be "Nobody's Fault"...*ahem* (Dickensian slip of the tongue...or fingers, I guess since it seems more appropriate for a typist) BERNARD's fault.

The Parrots are Re-united

2007-03-04T17:06:00.000-05:00

The parrots are reunited after a long absence. They were able to hang out yesterday AND today! Amazing... Karl and Bernard went to Panera for about 3 hours with Mercutio looking at pictures and talking, like any dead parrot would do. Twas much fun. Then today Karl and Bernard had lunch together with Bernard's family and his friends Basilio and Josquin. They stuffed themselves so that they became even more ex-parrots than they already were. The food was cooked by Bernard, under the direction of Alkman.

The End.

P.S. The parrots promise to keep up again on their bloggy thing.

Ok...

2007-01-11T12:49:00.000-05:00

The parrots have gotten together lately... in fact, they had a sleepover over New Year's. However, the one parrot was getting sick and the other parrot didn't believe her. But it was fun anyway!

2006-12-24T23:16:00.000-05:00

This hasn't been updated since October?! Sad times... the one parrot is too obsessed in becoming overeducated, yet also excels in procrastination. *sigh*

An update

2006-10-28T19:13:00.000-04:00

The End

BAD KARL

2006-10-21T16:30:00.000-04:00

Karl deleted my post. Bernard is very offended.

Karl and Bernard and Steinbeck and whatever Bernard's sibling is named went to Dunkin' Donuts. Then they went to the grocery store and Bernard and Steinbeck were working on stealth moves from aisle to aisle. It was fun. The End

2006-10-14T18:17:00.000-04:00

The most EX-Parroticus is on Fall Break. HAHAHA to the other Ex-Parrot who doesn't have break!!!! Bye!

The EX-Parrot is very busy, but will update with recent events ASAP!

2006-10-11T00:28:00.000-04:00

LOW-FAT LOW-SUGAR Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream

2006-09-25T19:09:00.001-04:00

The ex-parrots and co had some yesterday! Thanks to Rudolph...who has (or more precisely...HAD) a goodly supply.

The ex-parrots and their freinds also gorged themselves on lime chips. Karl wishes he had more lime chips right now...but alas! There are none!

What more is there to say?

Much.

But now is the time for Homework...not for Blogging.

-The EX-Parrot

2006-09-11T15:51:00.000-04:00

Whereas Bernard has been busy and unable to write about last Monday, this is a short update.

Karl came over to Bernard's house to eat chocolate ice cream.

The End.

PS I told you it was short

Insanity

2006-09-04T11:45:00.000-04:00

WELL...

The ex-parrots and company had a rather interesting evening yesterday.

In fact, interesting does not even scratch the surface.

It all started when Bernard and Karl decided that they should go biking on Monday morning together. Karl had already invited Bernard over for a snack Sunday night, so the OBVIOUS course of action would be for Bernard to sleep over.

Steinbeck had a meeting after church. It was supposed to be short, but it turned out to be rather long. Cassius, being a good friend, decided to stay with the ex-parrots while they waited (and waited and waited) for Steinbeck to get out of his meeting. Steinbeck (eventually) actually was done, and the starving ex-parrots were hurrying to the door when Steinbeck said "Is Cassius coming?"

Is he?

Um...

WHAT A GREAT IDEA! So, Cassius was promptly invited. And the discussions made their tortuous way to a final decision: sleepover! (Although Karl knew full well that everyone who thought there was actually going to be much sleeping was daft...but then Karl has always been rather perceptive.)

Karl, despite being rather perceptive, did have an opportunity to earn his "Official Space Cadet" badge before leaving the church building, however. He was about to drive Cassius home so Cassius could get his car...when Cassius could have gone home with his mommy and daddy (which he did, since Cassius' mommy is a wise woman, and stopped Karl from carrying out this foolish deed).

But that little hump being got over, the "sleepover" commenced. It began with DELICIOUS grilled cheese sandwiches a la Chef Karl. Chef Karl was going to wait for Cassius, because as Exemplary-Host Karl, it seemed the right thing to do. Not-So-Exemplary-Fellow-Guest Bernard ate immediately. His CLAIM was that Chef and Exemplary-Host Karl had actually TOLD him to eat. But I, the EX-Parrot, think that claim is poppycock. In the end, though, it was all the same, because Very-Hungry Karl trumped Exemplary-Host Karl, and he ate before Cassius' arrival, too.

There was lots and lots of talking, and then a trip to Dunkin Donuts, at which location sugary comestibles were vended to the esuriant parrots (and co.). They were waited upon by the much-more-helpful-than-Michael-Palin-could-ever-be, and indeed very nice Dunkin Donuts guy, who will be named from henceforth and forevermore...NADER. He sold the comestibles for MUCH LESS than one would expect, considering their actual price.

It turns out that eating sugar so late at night/early in the morning (it all depends on how you look at it) can have nasty consequences. The first person to suffer was Arcesilaus, who was innocently sitting at his computer, when (at 1:30am at least) he began to be bombarded with very...how shall I say...INTERESTING questions and stories. For example:

Bernard: did you know that a blue hippo is bluer than a pink hippo?
Bernard: sorry
Bernard: just asking
Bernard: little tidbit there
Bernard: enhance your library experience
Bernard: tell someone
Bernard: they might be happy to know
Bernard: enlightenment.. ya know
Bernard: have you read plato's republic?

[Editor's note: Does she EVER stop dominating the conversation?]

Bernard: do you know the muffin man?
Bernard: have you taken english comp 1?
Arcesilaus: haha, the muffin man
Bernard: have you ever dyed your hair?
Bernard: have you ever kissed a chipmunk?
Bernard: do you have a dog?
Bernard: have you ever been to boston in the fall?

As I have mentioned time and time a again, you will find yourself hardpressed to discover a more philanthropic EX-parrot than I, so I will not force any of you to read more of this conversation (or should I say monologue?).

After allowing Arcesilaus to begin the (probably now futile) quest to regain his sanity, the ex-parrots and co. prepared for bed. Once the lights were out, Cassius began falling out of his bed and landing on poor Bernard and Steinbeck, and Karl was throwing noisy bird-stuffed-animals, and making Cassius see MP clips, and Bernard kept saying that we must go to sleep so we can bike in the morning and also saying rude things about Karl and Steinbeck kept saying that he'd bet we wouldn't bike in the morning (too bad he didn't bet on it, he could have made a tidy sum) and also saying rude things about Karl.

By three Bernard and Steinbeck were basically asleep. By four Cassius was asleep. But it was not until at least 5:30 that Insomniac Karl was asleep. Poor Karl.

When Karl was rudely awakened the next morning he went to fetch fresh bagels. Yum Yum!

Then everyone left.

And I have nothing more to say, but to remain respectfully yours,

-The Most Very EX-Parrot in the WHOLE WORLD

PS: To further the insanity, I will place here the WHOLE dead parrot sketch...because I did receive a complaint once that it "didn't tell about his brother in Bolton." So, hope you like it!

THE END IS IN SIGHT

2006-09-02T05:38:00.000-04:00

Within the next fifteen or so hours KARL SHOULD BE DONE WITH GREEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, on Monday he has to review (a lot)

On Tuesday he has his first class (where he gets to translate PLATO'S APOLOGY! for which reason he is right now bouncing up and down uncontrollably with joy).

But as far as this staying-up-all-night-there-are-HOW-many-tenses-that-cannot-be-an-irregular-verb!-not-another-conjugation!... stuff goes, it should be over in 15 hours.

Starting....

NOW

Do Not Adjust Your Set, again

2006-08-31T12:18:00.000-04:00

Well, Bernard is at school and Karl is frantically studying Greek. Since I have nothing to say about them, and since the last two clips from Do Not Adjust Your Set were a hit, I will give you another one. Note how well M.P. pulls off the not-so-helpful shopkeeper bit. It's like he was born for it! hehe!

"He's pinin' for the fjords!"

2006-08-27T22:28:00.000-04:00

Karl is finally getting a life and socializing!
Bernard should be in bed because he's going to school tomorrow with Davidov.

Karl picked Davidov up at the airport. Funny story time. On the way to the airport, Bernard remembered a wrong turn that Alkman made when he took Bernard to the airport. Just as Karl and Bernard were remembering and laughing, Karl made the exact same wrong turn. Great airheads think alike. [Karl corrected it more quickly than Alkman]

Oh yes, Bernard finally got to meet Arcesilaus who works at the library. He is very tall.

Um... the end.

For your Amusement In Lieu of a Post (since I am Greeking)

2006-08-25T00:39:00.000-04:00

This, you will note, "Karl-is-a-bat-groupie," is NOT MP (although it includes M.P.)! HaHAAAA!

Procrastinators miss out on the fun

2006-08-24T19:35:00.000-04:00

Steinbeck and Bernard had a nice time going to WalMart and Dunkin Donuts last night... Karl, however, had to catch up on Geek... I mean Greek.

2006-08-21T20:52:00.000-04:00

Karl is cramming 25 chapters of Greek into the next 2 weeks.
Bernard is thinking about packing.
Steinbeck SHOULD be planning... *cough*

A word from the wiser EX-Parrot

2006-08-19T16:54:00.000-04:00

Those who procrastinate and do not manage time efficiently will pay for it later on.

Newsflash

2006-08-18T03:34:00.000-04:00

For all fanatical readers: The Slideshow is WORKING! Three Cheers for Bernard!

2006-08-14T01:20:00.000-04:00

The Ex-Parrots are Squashed

2006-08-14T00:46:00.001-04:00

Today in Sunday School Karl and Bernard sat at the same end of the same pew that they always use. The highschoolers, it appears, did not have their own high school class, so they came to the adult class. Well, there was a COMPLETELY EMPTY row in front of Karl and Bernard, but they being the popular and charismatic ex-parrots that they are, EVERYONE wanted to sit next to them. So, Jwannhn climbed over Karl and Bernard (not very gracefully) and plopped down next to Bernard. Then Steinbeck drove his way through and plopped down next to Jwannhn. (Remember that there was an EMPTY row in front of them. Then Arouet tripped over Karl, stomped on Bernard's foot and clambered across Jwannhn and Steinbeck to sit next to Steinbeck. It should be noted that, to his credit, Wassilly went around the other way.

The Parrots Are Busy

2006-08-12T15:48:00.000-04:00

The one parrot has a TERRIBLY messy room and is currently cleaning it. He is also throwing away gifts people gave him on his 19th birthday.

The other parrot is supposed to be studying. He has progressed pretty well, but really wants to do something with Karl and Steinbeck, but they are busy.... at least that is Karl's version of the story.

A Silly Job Interview

2006-08-08T08:07:00.000-04:00

A Failed Experiment

2006-08-08T01:04:00.000-04:00

Well, at least I'll get one more quote in there:

No, this is not mine. I wish I were this creative, but I'm not.

Good evening. Here is the news for Parrots. No parrots were involved in an accident on the M1 today when a lorry carrying high-octane fuel was in collison with a bollard. That's a bollard and not a parrot. A spokesman for parrots said he was glad no parrots were involved. The Minister of Technology today met the three Russian leaders to discuss a £4 million airliner deal... None of them went in the cage, or swung on the little wooden trapeze or ate any of the nice millet seed yum, yum. That's the end of the news

An Experiment

2006-08-08T00:59:00.000-04:00

So, I, the EX-Parrot want to find out how to put big things in my wondrous blog AND see the EX-Parrot film on the side bar. This is part of a plot to do so.

-The VERY CLEVER EX-Parrot

I am going to put many quotes in...wonderful ones, of course, to see if I can solve the problem. If I can't you shall all benefit from the amazing quotes.

Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.
-C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

'Good bye, master, my dear!' he murmured. 'Forgive your Sam. He'll come back to this spot when the job's done -- if he manages it. And then he'll not leave you again. Rest you quiet till I come; and may no foul creature come anigh you! And if the Lady could hear me and give me one wish, I would wish to come back and find you again. Good bye!'
-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

ABRIDGE, v.t. To shorten. "When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for people to abridge their king, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation." -Oliver Cromwell
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"No," said George. "No, Lennie. I ain't mad. I never been mad, an' I ain't now. That's a thing I want ya to know."
-John Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men

By a curious confusion, many modern critics have passed from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular to the other proposition that unless it is unpopular it cannot be a masterpiece.
- G. K. Chesterton

Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice,
And could of men distinguish her election,
Sh'ath seal'd thee for herself; for thou hast been
As one, in suff'ring all, that suffers nothing,
A man that Fortune's buffets and rewards
Hast ta'en with equal thanks; and blest are those
Whose blood and judgement are so well commeddled
That they are not a pipe for Fortune's finger
To sound what stop she please. Give me that man
That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him
In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,
As I do thee.
-Wm. Shakespeare, Hamlet

If men were ever in a state in which they did not want to know or could not perceive truth (facts or evidence), then Fantasy would languish until they were cured. If they ever get into that state (it would not seem at all impossible), Fantasy will perish, and become Morbid Delusion.
– J.R.R. Tolkien, On Fairy Stories

"I wish to make a complaint about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique."
"Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?"
"I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what wrong with it."
-John Cleese and Michael Palin, Monty Python's Flying Circus

Tonight 'Spectrum' examines the whole question of frothing and falling, coughing and calling, screaming and bawling, walling and stalling, galling and mauling, palling and hauling, trawling and squalling and zalling. Zalling? Is there a word zalling? If there is what does it mean...if there isn't what does it mean? Perhaps both. Maybe neither. What do I mean by the word mean? What do I mean by the word word, what do I mean by what do I mean, what do I mean by do, and what do I do by mean? What do I do by do by do and what do I do by wasting your time like this? Goodnight.
-Michael Palin, Flying Circus

NOBODY expects a birthday party!

2006-08-06T22:45:00.000-04:00

Well, I am finally updating again! THREE CHEERS FOR THE [real] EX-PARROT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have several interesting parties to tell about. Because since the last post, both Karl AND Bernard have grown a whole year older! But they had one last fling before their sudden leap towards maturity, which is the first topic of this post.

One day, Karl and Bernard were talking to their friends, Cassius and Jwannhn. They discovered to their utter shock and horror that Cassius had NEVER EVER EVER seen the ultimate chick-flick:Pride and Prejudice. Eager to patch this dreadful hole in her education, they plotted (with the help of Jwannhn's mother) to have an all-night P&P viewing. For some reason, they thought that their good buddies, Cornelius and Logkan had been involved in the plans. This lead to [drumroll, please!]

THE EX-PARROT, Episode 20488291: "The Best Laid Plans o' Mice and Men gang aft agley"

[cue cheesey music]

STARRING

It all started when Karl, Bernard, and Jwannhn learned to their utter horror and dismay that Cassius had never EVER seen that masterpiece in classic-turned-cinema, Pride and Prejudice. In order to patch the hole in the ship of Cassius' cultural education before it sank deeper than the Titanic, they plotted (with the help of Jwannhn's mommy) to have a "movie night" But the next day, disaster struck.

Hi guys! Ok, I have a plan. I was thinking of having a sleepover some weekend this summer and I've found out that this weekend is the only one that looks really good for my family. Remembering what Cassius had suggested on Sunday, I was thinking of all of us getting together this Friday night. We'd swim, go to Rita's Italian ice up the road, watch a movie, talk the whole night...you get the picture. ;-) Saturday, I'm not sure what we'd do...maybe swim some more, (do some of you have work?)and of course, Rudolph's "thing" is in the evening. So, let me know what you think ASAP. Love your mature friend,
~*~Cornelius~*~

This, thought Cassius, Jwannhn, Bernard, and Karl, was an excellent improvement on their little plan of the previous night. But things are seldom what they seem...

Cornelius, I don't care if you have a sleepover at your house. None of my plans were firm, so you're not planning on top of me. Hope to see you all soon,
Jwannhn

[Editor's note: Everyone was very pleased that noone planned on top of Jwannhn, because he is very slight and may have been totally squished by the weight!]

I will not be at prayermeeting. If you finalize plans, give me a call. I will most likely working or in class, so leave a message. XXX-XXX-XXXX And let me know what Rudolph says.
Bernard

Bad Bernard! Anyway, are we watching P&P still? We shouldn’t if Cassius decides to canoe…because the whole point was for her to see it. I’m game for almost anything... Are we swimming, too? I hope it’s as hot as it has been the past few days! I haven’t been swimming in ages.
Karl

*looks pleadingly at Cassius* Karl, are you talking about watching P&P at my house or with Rudolph? I was thinking that you guys can come anytime after 4pm on Friday. BTW, Do you guys have any suggestions for a movie for Friday night? Bring any and all suggestions to prayer meeting!
Cornelius

Just so you all know, I will be bringing my sociology book cuz I have 4 chapters to catch up on and 2 assignments to write for Monday. (Meaning, I will probably fall asleep in P&P just like I have a tendency to do with late night movie marathons. *cough*)Bernard

For any confused EX-parrots: don’t come to my house on Friday. Go to Cornelius’ at/ about 4pm. Saturday night is off, so don’t go to Friendly’s.
Jwannhn

That sounds like a great plan Karl. I'm confused too, though. How could you make those plans on Sunday when I hadn't mentioned a sleepover at my house? Is there another sleepover or something like that? Enlighten me!! Cheerio!
Cornelius.

okay, now I feel really bad. Sorry about all this confusion, but I had NO idea you had planned something else. *humbly begs for pardon* Are you sure you don't mind, Jwannhn?
Cornelius

Well, as one can see, CONFUSION marked this whole day! Fortunately, neither Logkan, Steinbeck, nor Cassius really got involved, and therefore their brains were saved to scramble another day. Also fortunately, the sleepover happened. (not of course without a little teeny weeny bit more confusion, but I, being the philanthropic EX-Parrot, will spare you all) There was no drama involved. Cornelius, Bernard, Steinbeck, Logkan, Jwannhn, and Karl all went to Cassius' house. Everyone except Karl cooked lots of good stuff. Karl washed dishes...some of them several times! One of the things that were cooked was PIZZA! All of them, ex-parrots and otherwise, ate lots of pizza. They topped it off with some brownies. Then all migrated to Cornelius' house. There they ate M&M's and Snickers and Doritos to their hearts' contents. Not, of course, until after they had EXERCISED by swimming in the swimming pool.

[BTW: Karl has been miserable at both exercising AND dieting...but more on that next post...if ever]

Pride and Prejudice was a hit. But the ex-parrots and co. were very tired by the end. In fact, Karl nearly fell asleep mid-movie, and this is the parrot who watched all three volumes of LotR-extended back to back and then went to work!

Well, Karl went home to do Greek, or whatever he does with his time, the next morning. He was shocked, and even saddened, when Steinbeck, instead of going home with him, went off with Bernard!

The next day being Sunday, Karl had another opportunity to talk to all the (sleepy) parrots, etc. It had just occurred to him that his family was going to be OUT OF TOWN on his BIRTHDAY! He made sure that all his friends were aware of this fact by complaining incessantly.

Pieces of Eight! Pieces of Eight! SQUAWWWK! Pieces of Eight!

Bernard and Steinbeck had not forgotten Karl's birthday. Do you remember when I told you that Steinbeck had gone off with Bernard? Well, it was not (only) for fun, but also for to buy presents for Karl. Now, these were not the sort of presents Karl would necessarily use, but they were funny. Karl is using the keychain that says "Official space cadet." Bernard had invited Karl and Steinbeck over for Peanut Butter Milkshakes (NOT mustard ones). Karl had invited Jwannhn and Rudolph. Well, as it turns out THIS was a birthday party for Karl. Karl was sufficiently surprised and managed not to get soaked with water when it was thrown at him. He very much appreciated most of his presents. He did not, however appreciate the dog treats. He presented them to Alkman and Cedric Junior.

That was the FIRST unexpected Birthday party.

The second was like unto the first. But it, unfortunately, was expected. So I have belied my post title. 'Tis true tis pity, and pity 'tis. tis true.

Bernard was having a surprise party the NEXT week. He was a teeny bit suspicious, but Steinbeck managed to tell him about it!

It was a fun party and involved Jwannhn falling all over the floor and trying to chase balloons in an exciting one-man version of "keep the balloon from hitting the ground."

Things have happened since then, but the EX-Parrot is tired of writing and, consequently will discontinue it.

Ahem

2006-08-05T21:51:00.000-04:00

Both EX-Parrots are 19. Hear us roar!

ATTENTION

2006-07-24T18:18:00.000-04:00

Karl is going to update about his surprise birthday party. Bernard is too busy.

UGH

2006-07-17T22:10:00.000-04:00

Bad Bernard! The diet just went downhill! He had a milkshake today... And he decided to be GOOD! Besides, his cousin is back and will help eat the brownies and then Bernard will be good.

Anyway, Bernard's version of the early morning tenting experience with Karl:

Bernard was peacefully sleeping until he was awoken by Karl moving around and muttering and sighing and going "oooh" in a very disappointed way. Bernard was determined to ignore Karl but Karl wouldn't stop. Suddenly, Karl decided to grab Bernard's pillow and raise it up in the air (with Bernard's head still on it) and grope for Bernard's cellphone. Karl, being the not-so-intelligently-hi-tech-person that he is, did not know that alarms go off on cellphones even though the cellphone is turned off. Karl suddenly hits Bernard and hisses, "It got turned off!!!" Bernard, in a very cross way, mutters, "That's because I TURNED it off." Then Karl insisted that it was 6:45 already and the cellphone hadn't gone up. Glancing at his watch, Bernard, who knows how to tell time, said, "It's FIVE-forty-five." Karl was very disappointed and attempted to lie back down, but kept muttering and moaning. Bernard knew the only way to pacify the restless, time-ignorant, tent-ignorant Karl was to feed him. Hence the early morning breakfast.

THE END

I've got a ferret sticking up my noooose

2006-07-15T07:07:00.000-04:00

At least, that was how it felt to Karl and Bernard as they attempted to sleep in a tent this evening. So VERY VERY hard to sleep with a stuffy nose.

Karl : "MAN! I can't pick my nose in here!"

Ah! The joys of sleeping in a tent.

Anyway, After a very very interesting night, Karl woke uncharacteristically early. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping.

"The larks on the wing
The something-or-other's on the thorn
God's in his Heaven
All's right with the world"

That's a poem by someone...probably Robbie Burns....and that's how it felt to Karl at 5:00 in the morning. So, of course, he thought it was time to wake up. Naturally, he woke Bernard up. Bernard was NOT happy...but after a few minutes, they decided to eat.

And that's where they are right now. Eating and thinking deep philosophical thoughts!

Over and out.

-The EX-Parrot

The Parrots are Weird!!!

2006-07-14T23:48:00.000-04:00

They think therefore they are a rhubarb tart!!!

Spur of the moment evening (after convincing Karl to come to the picnic and get out of his Greek studying) is crazy-fun. They are having a sleepover in a tent outside underneath the pale moonliiiight with rhubarbs.

They are having trouble sleeping, though, because they are so very full! They first went and cleaned Karl's kitchen. Then they ate Pizza at THE BEST PIZZA PLACE IN THE WORLD, the virtues of which are only enhanced by its being open at 10:30 PM. They also went to that amazing shoppe named after Captain Ahab's first mate.

Yay for Starbucks!

G'night!

~The Most EX-Parrotus Maximus

I had blueberries too

2006-07-11T22:09:00.000-04:00

...minus the South Beach Ice Cream -- I go for the regular. Haha.

Bernard can't bike this week. It's too hard with the work schedule. At least Bernard bikes to work and walks to school. Bernard will bike next week.

Blueberries

2006-07-09T00:00:00.000-04:00

I love Blueberries!

Especially the fat juicy ones

Yum Yum!

Quote of the Day

2006-07-08T12:03:00.000-04:00

Exercise is a dirty word. Everytime I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. --Anonymous

A Dead...BlueJay?

2006-07-07T11:18:00.000-04:00

Well, Karl knows how terrible Blue Jays are, but he did not want one dead. So, out of the kindness of his heart, he caught it in his father's shed WITH HIS BARE HANDS! (Actually, one hand was gloved, because the Blue Jay had a very sharp looking beak!. The poor Blue Jay looked like it was going to pass out, it was so scared. It was also very cute. Karl had to climb a ladder, brave the terrors of cave crickets, AND cut himself on a rusty nail (don't worry, his tetanus shot is up to date...probably)but the poor Blue Jay is safe!

2006-07-05T23:36:00.000-04:00

Bernard is sick.

You're No Fun Anymore!

2006-07-04T13:25:00.000-04:00

Karl is being a party-pooper today. He could go to a 4th of July party, but instead he is learning Aorists. He really REALLY needs to. And he's going to be teaching the first EVER ACT class at the EH Kaplan center...so he really wants to be well prepared.

He did however do his long bike-ride today (twice as long as the usual one). He imagines that Bernard did not. He also imagines how much fun Bernard will have on this long bike-ride. It's quite invigiorating.

The good news is that not only is Karl going to get a lot done today, he's also going to eat only healthy stuff! (in honor of the founding fathers)

Well, that's all the news. I have to get in touch with Bernard to find out what he's been up to. Until then,

The EX-Parrot

2006-07-01T08:15:00.000-04:00

Bernard ate a healthy dinner (aside from the chocolate cake) and Karl was determined to feel "no guilt." Bernard ate a really delicious salad, appetizer size. Karl ate a burger with fries and onion rings. *sigh*

Steinbeck and Bernard were also writing a book while they were in the clothing store. They also had fun trying on clothes. It was more interesting than the bookstore. Bernard finally knows what clothing size he is... because Bernard usually gets homemade, hand-me-downs, and thrift-store clothes and doesn't know what size he actually wears. Steinbeck got a haircut and Bernard wanted one too but he didn't want to pay American prices for it.

Ni

2006-07-01T00:27:00.000-04:00

This post is titled "ni" because if you were to say "ni" to Karl, he probably would double over laughing, and the pressure this created on his stomach probably would lead to an early death.

Today Karl and Bernard, Karl's mommy, and another relative of Karl's, Steinbeck, went to the mall. Steinbeck had a very silly reason for going to the mall. Steinbeck and Bernard were in a CLOTHING store for the majority of the time. Karl, being the studious one, was in a bookshop. Karl did not look for "An Illustrated History of False Teeth." Karl did buy four notebooks very cheap, and one was for free. Karl also bought three interesting looking books. But Karl did not pay for them, AND Karl did not want them for himself. Karl also saw a FENCING SCHOOL right outside the bookshop. Bernard and Steinbeck mocked Karl for his desire to fence. Hmph!

Anyway, Karl, Bernard, Steinbeck, and Mommy ate at THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY. After dinner they had AMAZING CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With whipped cream as thick as the cream that Lennie and George would have had had they only bought their little place!!

And that, my friends explains entirely WHY it is that Karl would laugh at anyone who said "Ni" to him. See, Karl hasn't had sugar in a long LONG time. It doesn't make him sick, but it makes his hands shake, and it makes him oh so very hyper.

They're coming to take me away, haha! They're coming to take me away! To the funny farm....

Anyway...

Nothing is going on!

-The EX-Parrot

NOBODY expects...

2006-06-29T03:29:00.000-04:00

Nobody expects Karl & Bernard to get up and exercise...BUT THEY DO!

Nobody expects Karl to study Greek...but he DOES

Nobody expects to be told in a blog that nobody expects something...

How lame!

Okay...the truth is that Karl could not think up a reasonable blog title...so he just pulled something out of thin air, and tried to make it a joke, and did NOT succeed!

Bernard is sleeping, because Bernard is a sane human being

Karl is working, because Karl is not a sane human being.

Tomorrow Karl & Bernard will exercise again. They are becoming expert bikers, and may one day join the Spanish Inquisition [Did Karl say Spanish Inquisition? Bet you didn't expect THAT...but then NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!] In actuality Karl & Bernard will join the Tour de France [you didn't expect that either]

Actually, it's about time for Karl to get off the computer, as anyone who reads this (other of course than Karl or Bernard) might get the impression that Karl is deranged....which he isn't.

He's just schizophrenic

No he isn't

Yessss....we isss, precious

shut up, Bernard!

Goodnight,

The EX-Parrot

And poor Smeagol, preciousssss....

Shut up, Bernard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's pining for the fiords (what's a fiord?!)

2006-06-26T21:23:00.000-04:00

Karl is very good about this diet thing. Bernard is not! Completely a failure and a flop, yet he did lose 5 lbs which he fluctuates on and off depending on how good he is. HAHA. And the exercise thing... it will come, it will come.

The EX-Parrot

Goooood NIIIIGHT ddingdingdingding

2006-06-23T00:13:00.000-04:00

Karl and Bernard are determined to go beddybye at reasonable hours tonight. They don't sleep enough for talking, talking, talking. Actually, Bernard does get sleep, because Bernard is RUDE and fully capable of tuning Karl out.

Good news.

Karl and Bernard not only exercised today, but are also set to exercise THREE DAYS A WEEK together. They will soon be the best and most in shape cyclists this country has ever known.

And so they go to sleep. And dream of glory with no gut! (ouch...bad bad joke...)

Signed,

the most EX-Parrot

The Early Parrot Gets the Worm

2006-06-22T06:26:00.000-04:00

Karl and Bernard were awake at 6:10! Bernard went to bed earlier because he fell asleep on Karl at 1am. Surprisingly Karl is actually up and that is because Bernard is really good about waking up. Last night they were bad and went to Applebees for half-price appetizers. Karl is a bad friend because he made Bernard break the diet. As penance, Bernard and Karl are going biking at 6:30 in the morning! That is... if Karl ever gets dressed.

Yours truly,
The EX-Parrot

Welcome!

2006-06-17T20:48:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the blog of The EX-Parrot. This blog is written and directed by Karl and Bernard, the EX-Parrots. The name is the fault of Karl.

Latest news:

Karl and his brother Conrad came to Bernard's house last night. They came to try the newest milkshake in town. According to Bernard's brother, Alkman, it was "Da bomb." According to Karl, however, it was "Da StinkBomb."

Over and out.